Just, Don't

I am always surprised at what people will say to pregnant women.  I think most of the time they don't mean anything by it but in every instance, it's rude.  It's insensitive.  It's intrusive.  A friend of mine had difficulty having children.  People were always asking her "when are you going to have kids?" or "why don't you have kids yet?".  Think about how that sounds to someone struggling.  I can think of a dozen answers that would likely shame such people into silence.  As a pregnant mom of 3 girls in the 4th decade of life, here's what I get:

"Was this a surprise?"  None of your business.
"Oh, you're finally getting a boy!"  As if having another girl would be a disappointment or somehow, my life is empty without a son or--BIG assumption--I WANT a boy.
"Wow--four kids!  You know what causes that right?"  I just don't understand this one.

The one I hate the most is "You sure waited a long time."  This is the worst of all because, honestly, we didn't.  This is my fourth child but my seventh pregnancy.  There are three babies in Heaven being held in the arms of Jesus until He calls me home to finally meet them.  I miss each one terribly and there is a hole in my heart for the little person that never was.  Though I held them for a brief time, they are very much my babies.  I don't know anything about them except that they are gone.  Some don't believe they were every really people but I don't agree.  I feel the pain of their loss all the time.  I'm sure many women who've experienced the fear and pain of miscarriage feel the same way.  Especially those who still find their arms empty.

So, if you've ever said these things I implore you to think again before next you speak.  It could be causing someone great pain.

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