Friday, February 02, 2007


Most people who know me now wouldn't believe it, but when I was in the 8th grade, I had a mouth like the inside of a trashcan--a really dirty trashcan. Like, the kind I use to dispose of my kitty litter. Naughty naughty. Today, I can't even think a curse word. But what's a curse word anyway? Words are offensive because people are offended by them, not the other way around. So, I've made up my own that are perfectly acceptable to shout, no matter who is within hearing distance. For example:


I've been known to say things like "What the schmee?" and when I'm particularly amazed, "Schnoodle my doodle!" I remember a few years ago, I was doing something and got frustrated and shouted out "Oh fruit!" My mother didn't seem too pleased.

"Stop saying that!" she said. When I first met Amy, her word of choice was crumb. One day, her mom told us that it didn't matter what word we substituted, we meant the same thing. Saying fruit was the same thing as saying the "f-word".

But let's think about that for a moment. When I say fruit, do I mean the f-word? Do people who say the f-word mean it? Are they really meaning to shout out "SEX!" That's what the f-word means. No, they don't mean that. They mean something like "Oh, I'm disappointed!" That's all I mean when I say fruit.

So, I will continue with my fruity curses and I'm sure they will evolve as time goes by.

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