Well Done

 God is my salvation.  I will trust and not be afraid.  Isaiah 12:2

Success is important to me.  Success in work, parenting, marriage, life in general—I want to be successful.  I work hard at it, sometimes making unrealistic demands of myself.  I set a goal (to burn 1500 calories a day more than I eat; to bake 25 kinds of Christmas cookies during the busiest season of the year; to raise $2500 every day for my organization—because that’s what we spend; to not get frustrated with my kids) and push push push to get it done.  Sometimes I make it (a lot of times actually) and sometimes I don’t.  When I do, I feel good—like I can take on more and keep it going.  But when I don’t, I internalize the failure.  I forget that sometimes the goal isn’t realistic or that there are things beyond my control that keep me from hitting a target.  It’s never easy when it doesn’t work out the way I see it in my head.

Sometimes I forget that my life is hard.  (Isn’t everyone’s?)  I’m not interested in the “pain Olympics”.  I don’t need to compare my life to anyone else’s.  Your life is hard too.  But not in the same way mine is.  Maybe you’re not in the best health or someone you love is ill.  Maybe you don’t love your job like I do or you don’t even have one.  Maybe you’re allergic to chocolate or hate coffee (how DO you survive???).  My point is I try to set these goals with the perspective of what’s in front of ME.  You might have an easy time finding an hour to exercise and keep a flat tummy.  You may have NO problem sticking to a plant-based diet or letting go of butter and cheese.  You may slip peacefully into sleep at night and wake up eight hours later with ease and no interruptions.  I don’t.  But I also have no trouble at all staying on top of the laundry, not eating the mountains of cookies I bake or LOVING making a salad for lunch every day.  Easy peasy!  Find time to read?  YES!  Daily Bible study?  CHECK!  Blow-dry my hair and put on makeup daily?  Uh, YEAH!  Success is different for everyone.  None of those easy things make me feel “successful”.

It’s the hard stuff.  When I overcome a challenge, I’m successful.  When I run a marathon I’m successful.  When my boss pats me on the back, I’m successful.  When my teenager says she loves me, I’m successful.  And I don’t always succeed at the hard stuff. 

It’s a hard time—for a lot of reasons.  But the one that has me the most fearful is raising enough money to keep my organization running.  It’s a lot and I’m doing everything I know to do.  But it isn’t working (ok, some of it is).  I wrote a beautifully compelling appeal letter…but no one is responding.  I wrote a really fun story for Giving Tuesday that THOUSANDS of people read…but didn’t donate.  I’m writing handwritten thank you notes to everyone that gives and researching grants, and philanthropists and corporations, and I’m asking asking asking…but.  And I’m afraid.  I’m afraid I won’t succeed at this thing that is my life’s work and my way of worship.  I’ve been placed in this exact spot by the One who knows me best…and it feels like I’m failing.  Like I’m trudging through mud.  And it’s scary.

I turn to my Bible for help.  But I’m reading Isaiah and I’ve been reading the prophets for a few months now.  I have to say, it’s NOT uplifting!  They’re all warning everyone to repent!  Turn from your evil ways and go back to God!  OK!  I hear you!  I’m doing that!  Right?  Yes!  I think so!

I had to stop and think.  What’s it all for?  Why exactly am I doing this?  Yes, I want to take care of the 300 animals that I’m partly responsible for.  Yes, I want the 14 employees to feel secure that their paychecks are coming without question.  Yes, I want to inspire the world to consider decisions they make every day and how compassion in any form towards anyone or anything is GOOD.  But what I really want—what I really really REALLY want is at the end of it all, to approach the throne of God and have Him say “well done, good and faithful servant”.

If I make THAT my goal and reshape what I do and decisions I make to THAT end, I will be successful.  Not that those challenges will be easy or that I’ll meet them.  But that God will be pleased with me.  And in THAT I have to trust.  So Isaiah’s words today are reframing how I approach goal setting.  Yes, I’m still going to run and finish 3 books before Sunday, bake 5 more types of cookies this weekend and somehow, find a pile of money today.  But when I evaluate whether or not I’m successful it will be whether or not God is pleased with my methods and not the end result. 

Because everyone I ask might say no.  Because my oven might break (that HAS happened).  Because I might lose
my book or find that watching a Christmas movie with my babies and eating vegan pizza is more important.  The greater question is WHY am I doing this? 

Because it is pleasing to the Lord.  Pressing on…



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Easter

It’s Holy Week.  I remember being confused by so many pieces of Easter when I was young.  Why was it called Good Friday if Jesus died?  Wasn’t that BAD Friday?  Why did we eat so much fish?  Ick.  Why did it always seem to be a gloomy, rainy, week?  Did God do that on purpose?  How could Jesus ride into the city of Jerusalem with such fanfare on Sunday and be beaten so brutally just 6 days later?  As I’ve grown in my faith and age, I understand so much more.  When Mel Gibson’s Passion of the Christ played in theaters, I went to see it.  My sobs could hardly be heard over the sobs of others.  This wasn’t a movie where you munched on popcorn and sipped a soft drink.  This was a chore—a duty as a Christian to come face to face with the brutality endured by our Savior.  To come to terms with what He experienced so that I could, what?  Show up late to work with no excuse?  Watch movies with foul language?  ...
Read more

I just don't care

I'm reading this book, the Husband's Secret .  The jacket cover was so compelling!  A woman finds a letter addressed to her from her husband that she is to read in the event of his death...but he's still alive! Somehow, this letter affects not only her, but two other women that she barely knows.  Wow!  What a premise!  I have to read this! Um, no. Sadly, these characters are completely unsympathetic.  I don't like the woman who's daughter was murdered 20 years before.  I don't like the woman who's husband has left her because he's fallen in love with her cousin.  I don't mind the woman who found the letter but I don't really care about her either.  The only person I can identify with and feel defensive towards is the daughter-in-law.  She's a career woman who has a wonderful opportunity that will move her and her family from Australia to New York.  Her mother-in-law is angry because she's taking the grandson away.  Sorry, l...
Read more

The Wonderful World of Meat Substitutes

I didn’t become a vegetarian until a little over two years ago. I used to think it would be absolutely impossible for me to do—I’m in love with chicken! Can’t give that up. No way. Well, clearly, I did give it up (although so many non-vegetarians say things to me like “you eat chicken, right? Chicken’s a vegetable.” Um, no.). I often encounter someone that is unaware of my food lifestyle and after the initial shock wears off, they want to know if I miss meat. The answer is a resounding no. I hardly notice it at all. I won’t go into why I don’t eat meat (not now anyway). There are different types of vegetarians. I am what is known as a lacto-ovo vegetarian—I eat eggs and diary but nothing that used to crawl, swim, walk or fly. No chicken, no cow, no pig, no lamb, no fish. (Nick and I went to a restaurant today that basically wanted to know how you want your beef cooked, but did include two of what they called “Meatless sandwiches”. They included fried fish and baked fish....
Read more