Marriage

 It always breaks my heart.  When love ends for someone, I’m sad.  And then I’m scared.  Anytime I hear about a divorce I panic.  Sometimes it’s a celebrity but sometimes it’s someone I know.  Family friends and relatives that have been a part of my life since I was born are now gone.  Or maybe just different.  A celebrity couple whose love story I could wrap my arms around and squeeze are now separating.  An author of books about living life as a Christian working mom I’ve devoured and tried to internalize reveals that her marriage is ending. 

It happens over and over.  No one is safe.  And that means I’m not either.  Every time it happens, I want to find my husband and climb into his arms and hold on tight.  I want to check in and make sure we’re ok.  I want to remind him (and myself) that I’m desperately in love with him and if he ever decides to leave, I’m coming too.

Sometimes I’m amazed and awed at my marriage.  “We’re doing it right!” I say and pat myself on the back.  But I wonder if some of those wives did the same thing.  Especially the ones in the public eye.  When Rachel Hollis and Lysa Turkhurst wrote about their amazing marriage and gave us all advice on how to keep your love strong, were they oblivious to the cracks or were they patching over them, hoping no one else would see?  Did the strong working mom I watched while I grew up and saw at every family holiday gathering realize it when things changed?  Or did she turn her head the other way?  Did my friend who’s husband left her know about the other woman and ignore her or was she blindsided?

People say marriage is work but I’ve never felt that way.  My marriage is the easy part—the one relationship that I don’t worry about.  But did those women feel that way too?  Am I missing something?  Are there cracks I don’t notice or lies I’m ignoring?  I don’t think so, but neither did they…

Maybe this is the part of marriage that’s work.  Inspecting.  Polishing.  Checking in.  Ok.  If that’s the work I can do that.  But what happens if something goes wrong?

I don’t know.  I guess I’ll never know unless it happens.

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